15 May, 2019

The past months had been the worst of my life

In the past few months, I hardly had the mood to do anything or even to live.

It is not just random negativity.
To make it short, my fiancée and I had broken up when our wedding is supposed to be held this year end. Last year, she voiced out that she is not ready to get married and that we will not be happy together. (There was no 3rd party) It may sound like a joke that our love still exist but we realized what she mentioned was rather true after further months of trying.

It is unbelievable that someone who was so close to you and there for you for 4 years suddenly just disappear. Or perhaps the sole real meaning of life just vanished.

We were lucky most wedding preparations were not yet made but the heartbreak is real. Being someone who overthinks, it was surely a rough period of my life.
Sleeping, drinking, jogging, gaming and even working were some great escapes. I lost interest in almost everything including investing.

I even found it oxymoron. Why work so hard to save and invest when money can be lost so easily due to such “mistakes”? Why thrift and not just splurge these money instead on entertainment, gaming, drinking and time wastage? (or even smoking- while I don't smoke) I also wondered why must this happen to me when my life is already quite f***ed.

Good news is I am slightly better now after learning to slowly accept things.

Sadness aside, I am actually having my reservist now and it has been a good time to avoid the stress from work. It was also a pleasant time to quiet down the mind.

During reservist, the regulars in camp will often ask everyone what we are doing outside for work and we may even exchange contacts for job or business opportunities.

How I wished I can tell them that I am making money from home.

Portfolio:
Minimal action was taken since last year.
Perhaps it was partly due to the lost of motivation during this period of time.

I took a small profit selling Costa Group which was listed in Australia.
Due to Brexit fears, I missed adding a multi-bagger which I wanted to buy earlier. (guess what is not yours will not be yours)

My current portfolio is well reduced in size, keeping more cash on hand.

Added more SSB in May 2019.
I missed out buying SSB in Feb and March to complete the investment category of DBS Multiplier for the “whole year”. (including months covered by dividends from Singtel)

SSB owned:
SBOCT18 GX18100V
SBNOV18 GX18110Z
SBDEC18 GX18120X
SBJAN19 GX19010T
SBMAY19 GX19050A

Career:
Decided to try moving out the logistics industry and enter the banking & finance industry since this is ultimately what I will like to do. To be honest, I am already pretty sick of my current industry.

Many said that it is still not too late at the age of 30 while we know the job market is quite bad now.
Hopefully, someone will give me a chance to learn.

21 comments:

  1. Hang in there bro. Life may have hit a snag now but you'll recover from it.

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  2. You have made me emotional with this post. Seems that you are having a tough time. Hopefully things should improve in the coming days. At 30, you are too young to worry about anything. You should be positive and optimistic regarding your future.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, am better now. Everyone has their pains I guess.

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  3. Oh no..sorry to hear that. Hopefully u will walk out of the woods soon! Yes, swapping industry is better done before 30. At older age (like myeself), it becomes progressively harder. Im in the oil and gas industry. Alot of my younger colleagues managed to move out of the industry during the slump. the older ones like me just stick around for as long as possible.

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  4. Ohh. did you wanted to move out if you were younger?

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    Replies
    1. Yeap. When the oil price dropped to close to 20bucks. But it was difficult. I was already above 30 years old

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  5. dude, take it positively.
    at least both of you call it quits before getting married. imagine if this happens after marriage? it would be more devastating! there are more to life and i wish you well!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Ang,

      yes, i agree on this part too.
      plus it is getting common nowadays that people realize things late.

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  6. My ex-wife ran off with a 3rd party. My first marriage did not last a year.

    But life works in mysterious ways. I recovered from the set back and married again at 36 and now at 40 I have a kid.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Caelitus,

      sorry to hear that. It must be hard but glad it worked out for you.

      did it take very long to settle the new flat etc?

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  7. Bro,...

    Trust me on this ! If she feels like this now, it is better to part because getting married after this will be ten times worse. It will tie you down till you are too old to find another person, and what's worst than that ???

    With this development go make more friends. You will eventually find another person. Trust me.

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    Replies
    1. thanks, I feel the same too.
      the next one is not the important thing for now.. :)

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  8. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Hope things will start to look up soon.

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  9. Hope I'm not adding salt to your wounds but I think years later you'll realise that she actually did you a big favour. 30s is one of the best times for a guy. There is more to life!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Owq,

      Don't worry, I totally get what you mean. She did the right thing even though it was tough to bring it up. And we didn't end things in an ugly manner. It was still devastating initially.

      Thanks for your encouraging words.

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  10. I'm sorry to hear that, man. But good to hear that you're feeling better now!

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